Vinca, Vidi, Vici

Dear Caitilin,

We first met at the greenhouse, where you were the rockstar employee that never had to show up for mic check. You would come in when you felt like it and kick ass, take names and then be out. That being said, me being more or less a grunt in the pecking order it took a while before I got to know you.

I assumed before that time that you were the type of hippygirl that would inevitably say stuff to me that would make me want to mellonballer my brain out, but it turned out (as it often does) that I was grossly mistaken.

You actually knew your shit, and took a rational and metered process to coming to conclusions. Also you took offense to being called a hippy (which I assume everyone that is not over 50 does) and made it very clear that this was not the case. I was fairly surprised how much you and I had in common (again mostly do to my faulty early judgment) and good times followed from there. You showed me your insane, but completely controlled with an iron fist garden. You introduced me to your dad and brother, both of which were pretty awesome dudes. And you let me sit on your stairs and smoke, which given your disinterest for the habit, was a rather saintly thing for you to do.

While I often felt like an intruder in the world you made around you, I never felt like I was unwelcome and that is something I have strived to understand so that I can do the same for people. Your cats, while being a bit on the batshit side were always cool to me, and named appropriately for plants that spread all over the place and generally cause a ruckus in the surrounding areas.

You also helped me dig a hole, which frankly not enough women do in my humble opinion, and that won huge bonus points in my narrow view of the world.

Our FBfriendship has been a varied one pepper with commentary on one another that sometimes bordered on the offensive, which though I may have not let on, I enjoyed immensely. You will be missed in my news feed for your foodie pics and random nonsense that takes a certain eye to select properly. I assume I will see you around at odd intervals and in general we will carry on as we have. All the same, we don’t really need FB when we have Drew as a fairly reliable conduit.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Warble warble warble.

Dear Ann,

It is a definite rarity that I meet someone with “people I shouldn’t know” ability. There have been a few of them in my life, and almost always I feel the need to help them promote themselves or something. Its almost like this sort of panic that everyone needs to know how crazy good this person is at whatever.

The first time I heard you sing was in the pool room at the house. Chris and I were shooting and out of nowhere I kind of got chills. I asked Chris what the hell was that sound, and he said something very Chris like to the effect of “Oh schmack Curt, I didn’t tell you, Ann can FUCKING sing!”. The funny thing was apparently that was just you warming up. In either case yeah, big fan o’ the talent.

On the other side of things, its not terribly often I like my friend’s girlfriends. This will come as a surprise to no one as a large majority of those ladies hate my guts and make that very well known to said buddies. You however were different right from the get go. You were always nice to me and gave me the benefit of the doubt, which a guy like me needs to be even remotely palatable.

See one of the things Chris and I have in common is well we both came up kinda trashy. We were more or less on the poorer side of things and didn’t take to the learnin’ as easy as most. While Chris did manage to do College pretty well (I kinda gave up on that one) all you need to do is look at our eating habits to see whats what, and how much we love our mommas to get an idea. In any case I can imagine you have had some trials coming here from the city and all, to good ol’ Kalamazoo, but you have weathered it well and made Chris a happy man, which I got to tell you warms the cockles of my cold black heart.

FB has been more or less useless to us other than a billboard for what’s going on, and to be honest I live like 100 yards from you guys and there is no rationale I can come up with that justifies me having a fbfriendship with you or Chris, esp since I need to drop by once in a while just to annoy and say inappropriate things. I assume all is well on your end of things and I am sure I will be seeing Chris and you soon.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

I lean on this bar to hold it up...seriously.

Dear Scott,

You are one of the few regulars from Liquid/Caffiend that didn’t make me want to shoot myself. I definitely had my issues with you, but I assume that was because you were the good looking guy that spoils the fun for the rest of us.

As I recall you had a very skewed sense of humor (which I assume most of us did around there) lots of cock jokes and references to sexual exploits of the shall we say morally ambiguous kind. You were always good to me when I worked, and if I happened to see you at Orbit or wherever, were one of the few people I could count on to provide some interesting conversation whilst I we waited for Handsel und Gretel to get the fuck on stage.

You always seemed to breeze in and out if there was nothing going on, instead of just sit and wait for it. And while business-wise this would make Timothy (and to a lesser degree me) angry, it is a habit I picked up from you. Nothing worse than some dude just watching the door for something interesting to happen. While there are plenty of times I miss those days, I was a pretty big fuck up and well we are all better off now…aren’t we?

I wish I hadn’t been on so many mini-thins back then, then perhaps I could recall more of our interactions. But then again when one is reaching this far down into his bag of memories, he should just count himself lucky he doesn’t pull out something horrific and traumatizing.

I would like sometime to head up to GR and maybe see a few folks, if I do so I will be sure to let you know if you are interested, Message me your email if you will.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Ask and Ye Shall Receive!

Dear Lisa,

While I was in a mind to save you for later, your post on my wall gave me a “no time like the present” bit of encouragement. While I certainly hope this doesn’t mean you will stop reading, I think in a lot of ways you probably have better things to do with your time.

So, that being said! Man we are old. You were in many regards my first attempt at being a boyfriend. Though I clearly had no idea what that was at the time (and surely am clueless now in many ways) I did what I could given my intellectual and emotional disadvantages. Everything is so fuzzy from back then. I remember snippets of things and settings, as if I am recalling stories some one told me. For example I seem to recall a lot of beastie boys, green, and fountain pop. I also recall basement carpet, hoodies of mysterious origin, and a basket ball game or two. I vaguely remember your sister hating my guts, and your dad squeezing my hand very hard when I shook it. I also remember you having chipmunk face from your wisdom teeth (I think) and you being brutally (though adorably) awkward about it.

Between you and Theresa I became aware of what a functioning family looks like, and also seem to remember generally wanting to beat to death any guy that talked to the two of you. So maybe boyfriend was a bad choice, I probably would have made a more suitable brother, as it seems it turned out any how.

I have had very little if any interaction with you on Fb. Though just seeing your name and face kick in the ol’ nostalgia gland pretty hard. There are sometimes I wish we all could still be hanging out in your parents basement doodling or what not, but alas we all have to get sucky jobs and move on with life so there it be. Obviously there are a million ways for you to contact me should you be so inclined, and I have to say I have no bad memories about us “dating” which is certainly more than I can say for just about every relationship since then…so that is something =)

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

You never take my shit...ever.

Dear Colleen,

Well what to say here. Strangely enough you and I have shared drinks more than 90 percent of the people on my friends list. That is either a commentary on how infrequently I drink with my friends, or more likely an observation about how you and I best interact. You and Megan did a solid job keeping me somewhat socially relevant for a good year there. I had pretty much resigned myself to staying home but thanks to the combined effort of you two, I got drunk…a lot.

While many may see this as not a terribly good thing, it was pretty much what the doctor ordered at the time. I have this tendency to crawl into my shell for months at a time, and when you guys started getting me out more I was definitely in one of those modes. While I could never possibly hope to compete with you guys on the drinking scale (because apparently I am a massive pussy / pedestrian when it comes to beer drinking and you guys ) I definitely tried my best, and most folks don’t get that kind of effort out of me.

While we have never been the terribly chatty type to one another, you always acknowledge me when you see me, which is all I really need to call someone a friend. I assume this will continue ad infinitum so long as both of us are in the same area. If for any reason you need to get a hold of me (though I can not really imagine what for) there is the email on my FB or ofcourse via Megan. Good times were had, what more can I say.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Duck duck duck duck GOOSE!

Dear Melissa,

If I am not mistaken you had the terrible misfortune of being friended by me via proximity. I got in it my head that I had to collect all 5 of “the coven” as I call you (ash, cait, sarah, erica, you). Though I failed in obtaining the final character Erica (due in large part to never actually saying more than two words to her) I got 4 of you guys and I guess I called it a day.

I chose to unfriend you first because in my thoughs you would be the least likely to notice. While I personally think you are the lucky one here being rid of me so soon in the process, the others may not feel so lucky, so TAG! Yer it.

I remember talking to you at the café a few times and you seemed to be in possession of a rather dark sense of humor. I as well have this affliction and it warmed the cockles of my cold black heart to know I had company at the bar. You are also one of those people I see just about everytime I venture out into the world of society, and you always acknowledge me in your way, and for that I am thankful as I am incapable of doing anything but looking away in most situations.

I am sure I will see you around (rumor has it at the bar later) and I will be sure to nod appropriately if and when we cross paths. Thanks for taking one for the team (well it’s really not that big of deal =) I will catch you on the flip side.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Bigger, Better,...full auto?...why not?

Hey Heath,

While I do immensely enjoy watching your DIY weapons projects, I think it is probably time to call it a day. Obviously if you have read any of these, for many people this is more of a perfunctory act, than one based on some form of reasoning or causality. While I will admit the frequent politico bombast that wafts out of your news feed gets tiresome at times (actually I feel this about a lot of people) the other stuff keeps me tuned it.

I don’t afford many people’s news feed the same treatment. In most cases if someone posts a bunch of political stuff I would rather not be seeing everyday I just hide their newsfeed. But in your case when you post anything else it is usually something I am interested in or will read just for shits. And it isn’t that I don’t agree with YOUR politics in specific, I generally have given up on ALL politics as it seems to me some form of gross quasi-masochistic past time where we all just reel in horror as our nation crumbles. Look, I know its all nightmares and turrists out there…I don’t need to be reminded of it everyday. I check the news frequently (albeit a passing glance) and I know things are kind of messy. What’s new?

In either case I wish you would set up some kind of website for your projects, or atleast a deviant art page or something. There is a huge movement out there for “makers” as they are called these days, but I think a lot of folks think being a maker means just using some new tech to make a do-nothing for their desk and that is just horse shit. Or worse yet, the people out there who remind me of that Jack Handey passage:

“I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.”

-Jack Handy

Great stuff. Anywho, I hope to see you at the bar as per usual where we can talk about how I should stop being a pussy and by some real shit to play with as opposed to just fantasizing about it.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Oh miss...miiiiiiiss?

Dear Kat,

I am fairly certain you were a server for me a couple of times at UanU. So you had the unfortunate duty to attend to me when I was drunk. That being said I will start out by apologizing for what may have been a few “ugh” nights. I tend to tip well, so I hope whatever I did end up tipping you made up for my irritating behavior. After all isn’t that what tipping is for? You are basically paying for a kind of friendly interaction; “I will give you money if you behave as a friend would and walk up to the bar to get me some beers.”.

My mother was a waitress for something like 30 years, so I know what a waitress’s take home looks like. Needless to say there were some lean years due to the cheap-ass nature of some of the shit holes she worked in. By and large you guys get paid shit, and are expected to take it with a smile. When the cast of horrors come wandering in, you brace for impact; The Lonely Guy in the afternoon, The Bitchy Bachelorette Parties, The Guy Who Wants Your Number (or FB in my case =), not to mention the never ending stream of Chah-ches, Frat-boys, Ass-hats, and Bitchy Girlfriends that you must smile and be nice too just to get the couple of dollars they have left over. Fuck that noise, they should pay better.

In either case you and I were probably not ever meant to be friends but you were nice enough to allow it. If ever you are my server again I shall tip til it hurts for the effort.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

The Macon Bacon!

Dear Hampybags,

Seems like only yesterday you and I were begrudgingly discussing the shame that is “wrist-band activism” and the greater meaning this has for the world at large. You tend to look at the bright side of humanity for the most part. Far from idealistic however, always grounded in the real world we all live and breath in.

Me however, especially when it came to talking about STAND, would err on the side of apathy. It was my firmly held belief that we had to give people actual stuff to get them to do anything. One couldn’t just expect students to give a shit because it involved their fellow human beings. No, in my view we had to ply them with trinkets and baubles, or some form of reciprocal feel-good non-sense like wristbands (ala the livestrong/savedafur methodology). You however tended to tack in the other direction. That it was young people who still have it in them to do something based on empathy, rather than gain.

While I got the feeling that many folks thought you were the grumpy old man, once I came along it was pretty easy to demonstrate that this was not the case. Boy, finding out I was significantly older than you sure was good times. I enjoyed very much sleeping on your floor, and drinking on your under-porch with the rest of the folks. I did infact enjoy what little I heard of your music, which for me is not something common. The sad thing is since we both moved on, it has been nigh on impossible for me to come up with reasons (other than selfish ones like whattayadoins?) to contact you.

You were definitely the guy i went to at STAND when the myriads of ladies working there wore me down (no offense ladies, you were all wonderful, but sometimes my Midwestern-addled male brain needed a breather). I really wish I could have just lived in DC for those few years, and gotten to know you better. I won’t flatter myself thinking I would have been a great friend, but I bet I would have been a different one. The kind of guy you introduce to friends as a science experiment to see how they take it.

I WILL find a reason to get around to talking to you again, even if I have to start giving my design time away for free again. I hope you are doing well in the District, and just assume you are married to a wonderful lady as you full well deserve (that prolly broke a few hearts I imagine). If ever you need something, I still live on gchat, drop me a line and tell me where the body is and I will get to it. Jesus I really am getting sappy over this stuff...=)

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

3 to the fire.

I realized today that I had some former clients on my friends list. I had to think about how to deal with this. My gut reaction was to write something about our experience working together, but after thinking about it, I doubt any of them would want a link to my filth riddled, NSFW blog in which they are directly associated with me. I also thought "well if these guys aren't paying enough attention to their news feed, and what I am doing then maybe the deserve a little embarrassment". But after further consideration, and after today having a fucking nightmare of a time trying to OPT OUT of FB email notifications (which by the way despite every avenue taken is still happening) I decided to make a judgement call for them and preemptively opt them out with the option to comeback if they wish to be written about. While this doesn't make for a good post, I think it lends a certain "the more you know" moment for me. So let it be said that I did learn something from facebook today: Opt Out is some evil bullshit. I know this will sound overly dramatic, but I would gladly amputate my pinky myself if I could just get one good swing at Zuckerberg. I honestly don't mind the guy, I think he is brilliant in a slew of ways, hell I would even buy him a beer given the chance! However he needs to get his dick stepped on once, just so he knows what its like.

We built this city on rock and rooooooohoool

Dear Emily,

As a fellow blogger you may understand the vicious cycle of posting. Everyday is a sort of challenge, balancing your need to post something against your fear of no one actually reading it. While I am surely doing this for myself, the nasty demon that is analytics has begun to plague me. When I see that the numbers drop my motivation for writing follows it’s trajectory. Being witty or in some cases just coherent becomes a monumental challenge. All the same, push on, because really what else could you do with that half hour of your life?

I sorely miss you and Jason in Kzoo. While we didn’t have oodles of time together you guys were a couple I deeply enjoyed being around and that is saying a lot. You two seemed perfectly paired, but not in that “doomed to reality” way I tend to see most happy couples. When I was around talking to you or Jason I always felt like someone was actually listening to what I had to say, though often what I was saying was equal parts bullshit and crowd-pleasing banter. I do still plan I trying to visit you all in the city, as I know this is now home for you both, and even a day or so might be nice just to get an in person update on how you are doing.

I can’t remember if I have ever chatted to either of you on FB, or really exchanged any worthwhile contact through there, but it has been nice to see you on my newsfeed every now and again. It has been my experience that when people live in a big city it seems almost absurd to want to be on FB. Us Midwesterners tend to treat FB as a dwelling, where ya’ll city folk treat it like a newsstand. Why lurk through news feeds and friends photos when you could be out and about in the booming metropolis?

I must say again, I miss you guys, but I am sure thought the gmailin’s and the like we will keep in touch. If ever you need anything please please let me know.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Peaberry?...zoombot?!...whu?

Leah,

In many ways this whole thing is your fault indirectly. After a drunken night of FBFriending you and some of your waterstreet cohorts, I gave some serious thought to what exactly I was doing on Facebook. The culmination of that thinking was this blog.

While being a customer at your place of work does not constitute a friendship even under the loosest definition of the term, FBFriends may actually fit. You have always been conversational at the counter (as I assume you are directed to do) quick when serving (as all your fellow baristas are), and courteously acknowledging me as I walk out the door (as per described in your employee manual, page 5, article 13, section 3, sub-section 14). I am sure we will continue to see one another, and interact as we have in the past. So far as I can tell you are a good person, and despite what I said previously here, you genuinely seem to what to know the answer to “How are you doing?” which is always good.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Iced Coffee Guy

It starts with fist and ends with garage :)

Heeeey Joe,

I chose you today because I happened to be looking in your tattoo photos on FB and being pretty goddamned impressed. Then it got me to thinking about what you and I were doing like a decade ago. We were both working for Dave and Chris doing grunt work and drinking on the weekends. Weird how we go from manual labor to the field of arts. It’s almost like we saw one of those “A Career in the Arts” commercials late at night and send in our test pamphlet to get on the fast track to a fascinating career in the Arts Medium, as I think the slogan went. Well apparently I did well on the smiling turtle and you did better on the pirate cause here we are.

One of the main things I remember about the grunt days is when you sliced open Chris’ hand with a utility blade. If I remember right he had been messing with you all day (as he did just about every grunt he had working for him) and at somepoint you had the blade and he got his paws too close to you and you gave him a little swipe that turned out to be a pretty good sized gash. To me this seemed completely justified, but I seem to recall there being some back blast from the whole event. One of the things I remember about working with Chris was that when you weren’t around he would try to horse around with me like you two guys did, but this failed miserably. The main factor being that I was a stick figure in comparison to you guys and getting slugged in the shoulder usually resulted in me going ass-over-teakettle of the tailgate of the truck…good times.

While I am sure Kalamazoo is worse place not having you here, you are one of the ones who have left and flourished in another location. I am sure it hasn’t been easy, but I am also sure you worked hard enough at it that you didn’t really pay too much attention to how hard it was. In either case, I think we have probably shared a few of the same missteps and moments of “wtf was I thinking” and for that reason you will always have a place in my head.

As far as facebook, aside from looking at your tats and the occasion bit about your travels it has been more or less useless. I would suggest a website, or at least a deviantart page to display your work, its really good and I would like to see more of it in the future. (also on a side note if you are interested in getting a website going for yourself let me know, I kinda do that stuff for a living now). All that being said, my email is the best way to get ahold of me if ever you wish to do so.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Burmaburmaboburma....

Dearest Arianna,

I honestly can’t remember when we first met or how. I know it was STAND/Burma related, but the actual method we came to be in the same room eludes me. The thing I do remember though is meeting with you Steph and a few other people at the movie night.

I have to tell you the first time I actually spoke to you in person was an experience. You are such a freakishly warm and open individual (especially in contrast to me) it made me sweat a little. I was actually nervous, like wobbly knees, sweaty hands kind of nervous. But like another lady I know, you are wonderfully oblivious to the effect that has on stoic, huge-personal-bubble types like me and just barreled right into conversation. One of the hardest things about talking to you is you would constantly do things like touch my shoulder or arm, which would immediately erase everything in my brain, and make it tough to stay in conversation. Lucky for us both I think Steph was there, I have a feeling she shares a sliver of the kind of mid-west personal distance issues I have (or atleast can see it) so she would translate for me if I really needed to know something.

I wanted so badly for things to work out for you guys with Gi-net and getting you guys funding (or just logistics), but alas, the higher ups couldn’t be bothered, and actually that greatly shortened my stay at that org.

I don’t believe I have ever actually talked to you on FB. For some reason I still picture you wandering around the jungles of Thailand or Burma and the idea of using FB to converse with you seems obscene to me. I had thought of giving you and Steph the boot at the same time, but decided against it as it doesn’t fit the rules. That being said I chose you, Steph will get hers in due time =)

You are a lovely lovely woman, and I better get an email from you now and then updating me on how you are saving the world one shoulder at a time.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

A pause in the slaughter...

Two weeks in:

Since I have lost 2 people so far (surprised it isn’t more to be honest) I have room for two posts (one of which I will use now) to give a kind of summary of what I have learned thus far in this adventure. It has been 2 weeks since I started this and here are the numbers:

2 opt outs:

One was an old friend who had good reasons.

The other was someone, despite being as far as I know a great person, I should have never friended in the first place (damn you booze).

14 people unfriended:

No major fuck ups thus far, no one has sued me for defamation or gotten pissed.

1,239 pageviews:

Fairly respectable, but basically this tells me only half of my friends look at it daily. We will see how this goes once I get a closer to the half way point.

5 unanswered friend requests:

I knew some of the people, but rules are rules. I really suck at math and adding someone else would through a monkey wrench in all my 2^nd grade calculations.

That’s pretty much it for the stats other than a surprising 51% of my visitors use Windows machines (to 34% mac), which given the general college flavor of my friends is a bit surprising (a welcome one though =).

What Have I learned:

Quite a bit really. One of the first concerns I faced when starting this, and indeed the most frequent question I get asked about is “how am I going to come up with a post’s worth of stuff for every friend on my list?” Well it isn’t easy. There are two factors in this for me; A) for most of my life I have been regimentally self-centered, if things don’t directly pertain to me I tend not to notice them. B) What ability I do have to remember things is wobbly at best. So what I try to do is start to picture the main thing I remember about someone, and then kind of spider out from that. I do that for as long as I can, then I focus on our FB relationship. Once that direction is more or less covered, I try to extend some form of invite for further interaction should they so be willing. While for the most part I have been within the 500 words or less limit, I imagine as I go along the posts will get longer, and probably less readable to the majority of you out there.

When it comes to writing posts, one of the things I have noticed as a trend is that I tend to be rather nostalgic and saccharine. This is some what intentional, as in the beginning here I am still trying to gauge what is appropriate for posts of a semi-public nature. I am sure a lot of it has to do with the cultivation of my friends list over the years (booting out non-friends). Another reason for the tone is that while it tends to be more funny to make fun of someone or say negative things to your average reader, I am not really doing this for you guys (selfish to the end!). I genuinely want to see what my social circle will look like without facebook to prop me up. By and large when I think of people I try to think of good times, and give all folks on my friends list the same kind of look I hope they give me. That is to say, forgetting all the horrific, stupid, and annoying things that we have all done over the years. I will not say that there won’t be a few harsh words, after all that would be disingenuous, but by-and-large the tone will continue to be nice and fond memory based.

A bit about the readers:

I have noticed when I give someone the boot who has a lot of friends that I tend to get more pageviews. While you can see how this would effect my choices, I do my utmost to offset it by going on whim and not paying attention to the number of friends anyone has. In the beginning I had this idea that I would do something organized like go in alphabetical order or some such, but decided against it because it would make this too easy for me. I want each decision to be mine, and I want to feel the weight of what in some cases may be the last time I interact with someone. That being said if any of you feel compelled to get some other people reading this, that would be swell as it helps me stay motivated. I have felt some push back from folks (which is heart warming actually) about dropping out of facebook, but there are also some who look forward to the day they get canned, as they will get a glimpse of what I think about them. I think I can say that most of us hate facebook in our own ways, but we have grown accustomed to that feedback loop for one, and for another all of us have become used to having a number of people pay attention to our lives, no matter how cursory that attention is. I am not trying to start a movement here, or a cause, I am just a guy looking to whittle down on superfluous shit in my life and FB just happens to be one of those things.

In closing:

Over the next 187 days there are certainly going to be some tough posts coming my way (there already have been really). I really hope all of you stick around to see what I write about you, and maybe once you get the boot, check back once in a while to see what else there is to read. You have all been very supportive and that is something I am definitely thankful for.

That is all for now, no one gets unfriended today lest they do so of their own choosing.

Curt

Whatever buddy...

Heeeey Joe,

Man it has been ages since I talked to you. I remember when you moved off, I was pretty certain that was the last anyone from around here would hear from you. I whole-heartedly endorsed you leaving (as I do all my friends who decide to kick the kzoo habit) though I have to admit, you have been a sorely missed commodity around the place.

The major thing I remember about you and I is when we chased down that kid who stole the tip jar from the café. I had done this once before by myself and ended up putting the guy in a choke hold and getting my nice khakis and shoes all fucked up (got the money though). When this kid you and I chased saw us in that driveway, he gave up the ghost all nice and quiet like…good times, go team.

In general I remember you as a no bullshit guy. You were direct and frank, and didn’t mince words, but you weren’t mean. There are a lot of guys out there who are assholes, but describe themselves as being “brutally honest”. You are not one of these, you know there is a difference between honesty and cruelty, and that is a big deal in my book.

Another thing about you that I am a fan of, is that you aren’t (to the best of my experience) a buddy fucker. That guy who torpedoes his buddies whenever a lady is involved. That is also a thing in short supply in my estimation.

All that being said, in general you were good times at the café, and always dropped crazy amounts of shit when prompted (and often drunk) which I enjoyed very much.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

...I am well thanks.

Dear Andrea,

As far as I can tell you are the only mom of my friends I have ever friended. This is directly due to the fact that of all the friends I have had over the years you are the only one who ever seemed to remember me. A few times when Miranda and I had our every-few-years meeting to discuss life and its less fun moments, she always said that you thought I was an ok guy, and that you wished to say hi. I know to you this may seem unremarkable, but to me…well it warmed the cockles or my little black heart. I was always the kid in school who’s parents would rather not have their kid associate with. After many years of garnering names like “the dirty kid” or “that smart ass” even in one case “the child from hell” it was nice to have someone mom think kindly of me.

I am sure at the time I probably deserved such monikers, I was kind of a feral child, and spent quite a bit of my childhood playing in the woods with things that most mothers would get locked up for letting their kids have. I was a rather brooding and sullen creature who social graces bordered on sub-human. I wear a pretty good chip on my shoulders from all that, but those little comments from you made me feel better, as though I had made a little progress towards being a person who is worth consideration.

Miranda is a fine kid and as far as I am concerned you did a pretty stellar job raising her. That is (from what I can tell) a skill set that is disappearing these days. Though I don’t really see Miranda much these days I hope I am still in your thoughts in some way or another. Miranda and I always had this idea that when I didn’t see her it meant things were going well, so I assume that is the case. If I can ever be of service don’t hesitate to let me know, I can do designy stuff, and carry heavy things pretty well…I am also getting better at cooking and being domestic should though skills be needed.

Thanks you again for those few words occasionally, it seriously made a difference in me.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

I'm not in love...I am in like.

Dear Chafe,

You are one of those odd people in my life that despite (or maybe because?) our almost non-existent relationship as people, I still like very much. I have seen you around for what seems like a good 15 years and never in all that time have you ever done anything to make me angry, or question whether or not you are a good person. I know that’s one of those “well that is just what normal people do” scenarios, but really it is an anomaly so far as I can tell.

You are in many ways the rarest of breed of folk. I mean if any of you out there are reading this take a second and honestly think, have you ever met someone who it: talented AND humble, smart AND honest, cool AND loyal. I am sure there are people out there who can fill that particular bill, I just don’t know any right off hand. Talented people are for the most part only humble when around people without their particular talent, some people would call this faux humility but I think its more that when people with talent are around other talented people it dismisses the need for humility…I think. Most smart people I know think that actually being honest is a very difficult and often unpleasant thing, so most of them try to be honest but “within reason”. Lastly I have know a lot of “cool” people over the years…(way to many to be honest) but since being loyal is something that is of little value in today’s culture, most cool people (or insert your favorite word for cool here) see loyalty as an option or a concept not as an actual part of life.

Given what I have said about what little personal interaction I have had with you, how could I possibly know these things? Simple: because most people don’t have those traits and gossip a lot and in all that time, in all the various circles I have wandered in, no one has ever said anything bad about you. In 15 years. Gossip cannot be trusted, but lack of gossip I think is an affirmation in many cases. Not to mention everytime I have had contact with you it has been a pleasant experience and you always have nice and constructive things to say to me on the ol’ FB. Which is one reason my MASSIVE massive ego is loathe to unfriend you. Never-the-less here we are.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Burned into the sheets...

Dear Jenna,

You are one of those folks that just drifted into my life. I am unsure when exactly I became aware of you being around, but when I did I think you had been around long enough that I don’t think we were strangers to one another.

The first thing that pops into my head about you is helping you move, and how weird it is to meet someones dad. A strange thing really, how often do you meet someone’s dad. You may know the person but seeing one of the ways they came into being puts an odd perspective on things. In any case from what I remember it was a pleasant experience, especially since I was aiding someone in freeing themselves of kalamazoo…I think I got paid as well, which is something that never happens when I help someone move.

You are also one of those people I almost exclusively see at parties. I don’t go to them often, but everytime I do I see you there. It is nice knowing this as my social anxiety would probably kill me otherwise. Not saying you go to a lot of parties, just saying that the ones that are “meaningful” enough for me to go you are there…and stuff.

As far as our FB friendship goes, I do pay attention when you post something, which is pretty infrequently and assume by and large that you are doing well from said posts. In any case I am sure we will both live just fine without our FB junk and random pointless chatterings.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Yeah, erm...uhhh...I mean sure.

Dear Dana,

Following in the vein of school chums, you are another I must address. When I met you in Taver’s class I thought you were the most adorable piece of awkwardness I had ever laid eyes on. I do not mean this in the patronizing way that is what “awkward” is code for. I mean in the fashion that you were a person surrounded by creatures of such a bazaar nature that it was all you could do to stay afloat. I may be over reaching here but I too felt like I was on the wrong planet at the Western.

I often get told “You remind me sooooo much of someone I know” or “I know someone you would really like” which to me is pretty offensive. I am fairly frank about my personality, I know what I am like for the most part, ergo someone that I would like is probably not some one that I would like if you get my meaning. Anywho, you did remind me of someone when I met you, just not anyone I have ever met. You reminded me of a character in a book, most likely one by either Salinger or Sedaris: quirky, interesting, and sincere in way that doesn’t make me want to choke someone.

I have know you for a while now, if you can count the brief meetings we have here and there. One of the things I like the most about you is that no matter how frequently or infrequently we talk we always (well me at least for sure) seem to be on a slightly different frequency. Sort of like a phone call with a delay. We stumble over each others sentences. We pause often to see if the conversation has finished, as if we need to check to see if the timer has gone off or something. I like this because due to my particular (peculiar?) personality conversation with most folks becomes all to predictable all too soon. That’s good…that’s all.

FB was just a formality between you and I, neither one of us really use it to contact one another so, I think we will be just fine without it.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Wreckage happens...

Oi Michelle!

MAN what the hell were we thinking?! Being in class you and I and the kid who I cannot remember were like our own little mini-breakfast club. However I think you and the other kid were kind of an amalgam of Alley Sheedy and Judd Nelsons character, I am not really sure what that would make me (the gym teacher?) but all the same it was good times. Our table was pretty much the place where other kids went to look at stuff they didn’t get, or we slightly disturbed by.

Our friendship after that class has however been a massive clusterfuck. We have had good times, bad times, and mostly drunken times. While I still think you are a super interesting lady, I get the feeling we are too similar to keep us out of jail in the long run. I usually try to keep friends around who counter me to keep me from doing stupid shit that will later be fodder for my guilt machine, but you mah dear are like gas on the flame of stupidity in my head.

I will obviously see you at harveys and I am sure there will be more nonsense to be had, but our FBfriendship has been not nearly as interesting as our actual friend ship. This is par for the course really when it comes to FB but some how it is more disappointing in this case. I am sure a majority of it is my fault. Atleast this way you won’t have me drunk chatting you and sending you mildly embarrassing photos of myself in tragically predictable settings. I will miss looking at your new art stuff, and some of the randomness you and Katie get into, but overall it will be for the best as we may have stuff to talk about when I see you about.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Seriously...I gotta go...

Oh Adrian,

I gotta tell you one of the things I miss most about being at the café at 3 or 4am is talking to you. I get to shoot the shit with you from time to time, but nothing like the standing stream of bullshit you and I used to weave back in the day.

Usually one of us would on the way “out the door” and standing, the other sitting and carrying on the fight at “work” and then a hour long conversation about carpet bombing and its effects on moral or how it seems everyone with tons of money has like zero common sense. This when there isn’t a more readily available target sitting at the counter. Some kid talking about his philosophy on life or god forbid a discussion on relationships. All these and more were fair game.

I feel an honest sense of sympathy for anyone who sat there after 1am (for many reasons) esp. when Scott was around. The three of us are pretty much the worse combination of malice, apathy, and know-it-all drivel that would drown out even the most tenacious of hangers-on.

While I have missed those times I am sure facebook has been no form of substitute, conversation as always being our preferred method of carrying on. But all the same, jot down my email in my info section and drop me a line sometime.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Yes, yes the omelette is named after me.

Dear Sally,

It is still weird for me to say your name and not have it immediately followed by Brittany. You guys were the neatest thing since sliced bread back in the day when you worked at the restaurant and Brittany used to loiter around the place. You guys were the first time I thought about being old in the café, so congrats on that! It was always nice knowing you two were up there, and also it was very nice knowing that there were two people (especially girls) that could be a solid dynamic duo and not get all fussy and shitty towards one another.

I vaguely remember trying to go pick apples once and for some reason that didn’t happen. I also remember standing in the parking lot of the Parchment Public Library for some reason. But by and large a majority of my memories consist of conversations at the café or the “whattareyoudointhesedays” variety.

Like most people in my life who even moderately change trajectory it has been a really long time since we spoke, I am sorry for that. But you should probably know by now on of my advantages in being a stodgy-illtempered-coot is that you can pretty much guess what I would say to any given question. So its like no matter where you go, all you have to do is sacrifice a chicken and blow some mentol smoke around and I am there. I don’ t know if this is anything one should wish on another, but never the less it makes it easier for me to be such a recluse.

I know you are engaged now (or is it married already) and I remember you saying something about being in “the country”. These are fairly vague in my head, but as with most of my friends I assume if there is anything that I need updating on I will hear about it. I know it’s an ugly one-way street being my friend sometimes, but never the less I appreciate the effort. If you are ever around or like wanna correspond shoot me an email.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

A leg up on the competition.

Dearest Einstein,

Woof woof woof. Woof woof, woof grmumble ruuf. Woooof woof wuf wuf Facebook, berf bark BARK! Mbark umf umph bark bark grrr Western Michigan University! Buuf buuf Paul bark woof, barkrooowroow woof bark.

Woof woof woofer woof bowwowroaw woof. Bark bark bark woof bark ruuf bark. Woof woof email woof bark, Paul, woof grrr woof. Bark woof.

Bark bark woof bark bark woof, Bark woofwoofwoof bark FBfriendship woof Bark,

Curt

Sorry, I grew up on 20th street...

Dear Amy,

While I will say right up front that in the dusty mess that is my mind I have positive feelings about you as a person, I must admit I remember just about nothing about you. I know I went to school with you. I assume you were in the middle-to-bottom tier of the PHS hierarchy of popularity much like myself. Other than that I blank. Which is not surprising seeing how little I remember of my school career. I don’t know if it was some form to traumatic suppression, or maybe just constantly subjecting myself to daydreaming which I believe replaces actual memories with ones of my own creation.

One of the reasons that Facebook and I are parting ways is that I have often struggled with exactly how much stock to place in “friending” someone. On the one side I used to take facebook less seriously, and basically who gives a shit about whether or not to friend someone. On the other end its living with that decision day-to-day in theory forever. I am fairly sure that is the reason we ended up friending. See I can’t even say you friend requested me or I friend requested you, not wanting make this seem like it was initiated by either of us. Neither one of us probably gets much out of this, and in some way I think in order for this whole social networking thing to have any value to me, I actually need to care about it somehow.

That being said, there are many people on here who I assume are friends with me not because they actually care, but merely because that is what one does on facebook, and that blows. I extend as always the opportunity to keep in contact, just drop me a message and I will respond. And THAT being said…

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

Happy Birfday!!!

Deeear Joooohn,

First of all a most happy birthday to you! I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate your birth than giving you a life without yours truly and my inane posts of timewasters, tech articles, bitch fests, and of course the adorable animals that no man of my age should be posting.

As I move forward in this little experiment, it is beginning to dawn on me that I have the memory of a goldfish…some would say the genitalia as well. When I try to remember specific things you and I spoke of over the years, it is mostly a fog. This fog was ofcourse the counter of the Fourth Coast chain smoking our respective free time away in between work sessions. I recall some mutual bitching about customer service, the drama of the café, and of course the inevitable downfall of the society around us.

The main thing I remember about talking to you is we seldom disagreed on things. While in many circles agreeing with me is not considered a complement, to me someone that I can talk to who atleast will give the drivel that flows out of my mouth a chance is a good person to keep company with. Not to mention anyone sitting next to me at the counter that wasn’t either A) a dribbling mess from their recent tottering back from the methadone clinic B)a wildly delusional old hag that seems to think her opinion on anything matters shit to anyone or C) A and B in some form of combination.

You saved me from a manslaughter charge atleast 3 times that I can remember and for that I will always be grateful.

All that being said, as I step forward in this social networking suicide it’s nice to know you were one of the first to usher me off. I insist that you keep in contact via email, you know incase you need some more lolcats for your feed.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Curt

P.s. Again, Happy Birthday!

The Eyeliner and Pearls...'member?

Melissa,

The last time I clearly remember seeing you was at a show at The Space. Some asshat bumped into whilst you were drinking a soda and the bottle chipped your tooth. It was pretty bad but you took it pretty good all things considered.

The bulk of my memories of you happened in what I like to affectionately refer to as my “Goth Years”. I had long hair, eyeliner, and pearls…that’s right ladies and gentlemen, your beloved narrator in eyeliner and pearls…how horrific and wonderful. You, Amanda, and Nina were pretty much the hottest shit I had ever seen and it appealed to my goth sensibilities that you guys appeared to be in a coven, or atleast the type of coven that could be spawned from a Midwest production of “The Craft” the musical.

I am soo ridiculously happy for how things have turned out for you, though the details elude my age addled brain, I know you are doing what you love, where you love, with whom you love, which is exactly what you said you were gonna do way back when. When I saw your wedding pictures on MySpace (anyone remember MySpace…so sad) it was like something out of a fairy tale. If half the women I know saw those pictures they would hate you, as well they should =)

With all the distance and marginal contact I doubt I will see much of you in the future, but I am sure I will remember you fondly as you were important to my early years (as with everything I am ferociously self centered) and for that you will always have a spot in my cobwebbed bedecked brain case.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Much lurve,

Curt

OutSTANDing!

JMo,

What a lovely person you are. I as I browsed through my list o’ friends I came across you and started thinking about all the crazy shit that STAND was. My memory being what it is, most things are a blur. I seem to remember you and a couple other ladies taking care of me when I was in DC. Taking care of a 30 year old can’t be something on your list of priorities in life, but never the less there you were. I being from Kalamazoo, in the big city, I was in need. As many know I suffer from a form of social retardation so severe that I am often mistaken for some one who gives a shit what you think. Jess was there and told me that it is ok if I don’t know how to use a subway/train/path whateverthefuck you city dwellers call that urine and bum filled anthill of a public transportation, and furthermore she coined the phrase “Curtification” (along with EMill, AK, and Nessaface). Yes indeed, and oh the drunken FB chats completely stressed out and over standed to max that encompassed so much of our time together.

I haven’t heard from you in a very long time, too long really, but I am fairly certain that is my fault due to the aforementioned social issues. We still have our gchat logs and stand minutes to sustain us, and I am more than certain that when you are elected to the senate you will do your best to convince president Schwarzenegger that I do not deserve the mandatory public castration sentence for being found guilty of smoking. You know where I am when you need me, if there is anything I could possibly do for you.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Much lurve,

Curt

Being the first is almost a compliment!

Ashley,

Ahh the good old days. I chose you first mostly because you had the best combination of a sense of humor and having no contact with me in recent memory. I must make clear right from the get go that none of this is malicious or mean spirited. I have kept a pretty good rein on my friends list so those on it are good people I like enough to keep an attachment to (no matter how tenuous). That being said, where to begin?

I remember you as part of the Paw Paw wave number 2. It seemed like when I met you everybody in Kalamazoo was now from Paw Paw. The conversations about corn fields, boonesfarm, stealing mom’s viginia slims and the like was the talk of the day. From what you 2Paws (a term I believe my nephew whom you dated coined) kids told me it is a miracle you made it out alive. It seemed sort of like Children of the Corn meets Lord of the flies with a little Gummo thrown in for comic relief.

I think my most vivid memory of you is the day I turned over ownership of “Beefy” my freakishly large and beleaguered Piranha to your loving arms. I loved Beefy as best a man can love a fish (but not in that Kanye West/fishsticks kind of way) but time came to move and I just could not figure a way to carry on with him in my care. You came to my rescue and offered him a place to spend his twilight years. I am forever grateful for this, as everyone knows I have some brutal guilt issues.

I also remember a few blurry nights of drinking and chain smoking, and ofcourse Fourth Coast times swimming in smoke. You have been a great FB friend as you have never once caused me to block your news feed due to crazy horseshit I don’t want to hear about. Which I must tell you is something in short supply. I am sure I will continue to see you around, or atleast hear your name mumbled in connection to those I see more regularly. You are a swell gal and obviously your life will be better with out me clogging up the tubes of your FB account.

Today was a great day, but tomorrow our FBfriendship will end,

Much lurve,

Curt